Family Refuge Center 117 E. Washington Street P. O. Box 249 Lewisburg, WV 24901 304-645-6334 Pocahontas County dial: 799-4400 Monroe County dial: 772-5005 frc@wvdsl.net

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VIOLENCE IN THE FAMILY

A FAITH PERSPECTIVE

Family Refuge Center
(304) 645-6334
In Pocahontas County call:
799-4400

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• FAMILY VIOLENCE:
  IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATION
• HOW TO HELP VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
  A GUIDE FOR CLERGY
• DEALING WITH ABUSIVE MEN
  SUGGESTIONS FOR CLERGY

FAMILY VIOLENCE:
IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATION

A GUIDE FOR CLERGY

12 FACTS ABOUT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

1. The number one health risk to women in the U.S is domestic violence. The Surgeon General's office reported in 1992 that domestic violence causes more injuries to women than rapes, muggings, and car accidents combined.
2. Compared with other women, victims of domestic violence:
   1. are twice as likely to miscarry and 4 times as likely to bear a low birth-weight baby if attacked during pregnancy.
   2. are 5 times more likely to commit suicide
   3. are 4 times more likely to require psychiatric treatment
   4. have an increased risk of alcohol abuse, drug dependence, chronic pain, and depression
   5. have 2 1/2 times the health care costs of women who aren't battered
   6. have increased risk of HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases
3. Women are 10 times more likely to be raped than die in a car crash.
4. 3-4 million women are physically battered every year, and every 18 seconds another woman is beaten.
5. As many as 1/3 of all women will be physically assaulted by a partner or ex-partner in her lifetime.
6. A woman is raped every 6 minutes & every hour 16 women confront rapists.
7. 29% of all forcible rapes occur when the victim is less than 11 years old, while another 32% occur when the victim is 11-17 years of age.
8. The crime rate against women in the U.S. is significantly higher than in other countries. The U.S. rape rate is 13 times higher than England's, 4 times higher than Germany's, & more than 20 times higher than Japan's.
9. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the U.S.
10. Women are in 9 times more danger in their homes than on the street.
11. 1/3 of women who present to the Emergency Room for treatment are there because of domestic violence.
12. 92% of battered women do not discuss the abuse with their physician.

WHAT CHURCHES CAN DO

CHURCHES CAN INITIATE AND SUPPORT:

• Training for church leaders/clergy
• Prevention programs in church, school, and youth groups
• Familiarity with the local shelter program. Volunteer your time and know how to make referrals to their program
• Start or participate in community response teams about violence.

OTHER TESTIMONIALS

• "A combination of factors sent me to my pastor when my husband was at his most abusive. It was the first time in over 40 years I had asked a minister for help. If she had said, 'God only gives us what we can handle' (as a friend of mine was told by her pastor), I would probably not be a believer today. Fortunately, she was sympathetic and helpful; she recommended a shelter program and made other useful suggestions. She said two things I'll never forget: 'God intends us to be whole' and 'You don't deserve this'. The second was especially poignant since I'd always thought his problems were my fault".
  -from a 1992 survey of United Methodists

• One of every three members of a church or synagogue is a victim or survivor of domestic violence or sexual assault. Yet the faith community is often the last place those victims will turn for help.

• "The silence in the faith community needs to be broken. And the faith community needs to be a safe harbor for education, compassion, & healing for families who suffer from abuse".
  -Violence Against Women & Children:
  Where is the Faith Community

SOME FINAL WORDS

• "Of all the health and human service challenges we face, perhaps the most devastating and ironically, the most preventable is the epidemic of violence sweeping across the nation. Violence is not some mysterious bacterial infection or inexplicable new disease; rather it is a phenomenon for which we are responsible, and we can prevent it. It is time we stopped the denial and claimed our power to halt the bloodshed and save lives".
  -Donna Shalala, U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services

• "There is a lot of discussion about whether violence is a public health problem....Of course it is!"
  -Janet Reno, U.S. Attorney General

• "Domestic violence is not a problem of a few 'diseased or dysfunctional' individuals, but rather is a problem rooted and nurtured in social relationships and structures. Because it is so embedded, stopping domestic violence requires a coordinated community response where health, justice, and social service systems join with educational, religious, and victim services to confront violence. No one institution can do it alone"
  -Anne Ganley, Ph.D.

The Family Refuge Center is the domestic violence program that serves our area.
Staff there provide:

1. 24 hour crisis hotline
2. Emergency shelter for battered women and their children
3. Legal information
4. Counseling & Advocacy
5. Support through the legal process
6. Sexual assault services to victims and their families
7. Support groups
8. Children's Programs
9. Adult Basic Education
10. Community Education
11. Information and Referral

How to help Victims

Take seriously what she tells you. Listen carefully to her story, do not judge, and respond to her feelings.

Be concerned about her injuries - does she need or has she gotten medical attention?

Be concerned about her safety or need for a safe place. Be sure that a safe place is available to her, whether in a home or at the domestic violence shelter; let her know how to contact such a place in your community

Support the legitimacy of her getting away from the situation where she is in danger, but do not push her to leave or criticize her for not having left sooner. The danger level intensifies when she leaves the relationship.

Recognize that she may feel she has failed as a wife, but she does not cause the abuse. Nobody deserves to be hit. Just because the couple has conflict (normal), that does not mean there is justification for the verbal or physical abuse (not normal).

Realize that if she stays in the relationship and her husband does not get help, the abuse will happen again and will get worse. Explain the cycle of violence (elsewhere in this packet). Domestic violence increases in frequency and severity over time.

Recognize that she may be very ambivalent. She probably loves her husband and it is quite possible that when he is not abusive he can be very loving toward her.

Be aware that an abusive husband may have greatly damaged her self esteem and confidence in her ability to take care of herself and her children. Don't reinforce her low self esteem by taking over and making decisions for her. Choices about her life are hers, not yours. Let her make her own decisions.

Suggest that her husband needs treatment. He needs to take responsibility for, and change, his behavior. Has she thought about pressing charges? Battery is a crime, and a record may be helpful in the long-run to hold him accountable for his behavior.

Encourage her to utilize any local resources available to victims so that she can get as much information as possible about her options. The name and number of the program for your area is listed below. Some programs offer support groups, individual counseling and other legal advocacy services.

THE PROGRAM IN THE MARLINTON AND LEWISBURG AREA
THAT SERVES VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & SEXUAL ASSAULT IS:

FAMILY REFUGE CENTER,
P.O. BOX 249
LEWISBURG, WV 24901
(304) 645-6334 or 799-4400

You may find these helpful.

1. Assessing character types, (how safe are you?) Assessing whether batterers will kill and signs to look for in a battering personality.

2. Personalized safty plan for the abused A print ready page that lists steps and items to prepare in case a speedy escape is required.

FAMILY VIOLENCE:
IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATION

A GUIDE FOR CLERGY DEALING WITH ABUSIVE MEN:

THE VIOLENCE MUST STOP!

• Be very clear that the violent behavior is unacceptable. This is the first priority.
• Do not accept his rationalizations or his blaming the victim. EVEN IF he is under pressure at work, the house is not clean, the dishes are dirty, or infidelity exists,
  -VIOLENCE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
  THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
• Offer him hope that he can change. Tell him about group treatment or other counseling options in your community.
• HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE. Promises to change are part of the cycle of violence. Unless they are accompanied by concrete actions, like going to a treatment group, the promises are meaningless. In order to change he MUST ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS. Then, if he is serious about changing, he will seek out the help he needs.
• Do not take HIS word that the violence has stopped. Rather, check with his abused partner (without him being present or knowledgeable about the visit with her). Often it is necessary for the couple to separate until there is no more danger of abuse.
• DO NOT encourage marital counseling until it is clear that the violence has stopped. In relationships of uneven power, couples counseling is not appropriate. To work with them together before the violence has stopped, only serves to endanger the victim.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON;
HOW TO DEAL WITH ABUSERS,
OR CLASSES CONTACT;

OPTIONS AND CHANGES:
A MEN'S PROGRAM TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THROUGH EDUCATION:
A PROJECT OF

	Family Refuge Center 117 E. Washington Street P. O. Box 249 Lewisburg, WV 24901 304-645-6334 Pocahontas County dial: 799-4400 Monroe County dial: 772-5005 frc@wvdsl.net
We can not guarantee your confidentiality or safety if you use the internet to contact us. Someone may be able to access or read e-mail to us or you. Please call or write if you need total secrecy

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This page has been accessed times since July 31, 2000.

This page was created Nov 28,1997
By Michael Condon
Last update: Oct. 7, 2008
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